So now I'm on a mission. To murder DEI.

I wrote this book for the regular Joes toiling in hostile workplaces, worried about saying the wrong thing. Or offending the wrong people. Make no mistake. These Woke jugheads might look and act like palookas, but they're dangerous.

There are a few characters in this tale. You know, the usual suspects.

Allow me to introduce you to the Five Ducks:

There's this Schmoe. The Sitting Duck. You've seen him. The thing he does best? Collect a paycheck. Looks like this mug is pretty good at eating donuts too.

Then there's this operator. I call him the Lame Duck. But don't let appearances fool you. He ain't no cripple. This stoolie likes sneaking up on people and droppin' a dime to the Big Cheese if he thinks he can get away with it.

The next one's a real doozy. The Dead Duck. They say Dead Ducks tell no tales, but this bozo still spins a whopper. You think, "How dangerous could he be? He's dead." Well, remember Weekend At Bernies? Let's just say this stiff can still cause plenty of problems.

Then there's the Ugly Duckling. This bird might not be much to look at, but he's got heart. Out of all these lugs, he's one who might turn out okay.

Finally, there's this straight shooter. The Lucky Duck. This handsome Jasper is okay in my book. We need a stand-up guy, someone we can root for in this comedy of errors.

You'll start to recognize these wise guys. At work. In the neighborhood. You'll learn how to handle these birdbrains and survive in a world gone haywire. Without losing your dignity or your sanity. Or your job.

And for the love of Mike, don't lose your sense of humor. Just ask a liberal. Those jamokes haven't been able to take a joke for three decades already.

Listen, this ain't no manifesto. We're poking holes in the idiocy the Left has been peddling for years in these mandated "trainings" of theirs. Stuff like:

"The U.S. is built on White Privilege." Really? Try telling that to a Gen Z kid living in his parents' basement because he can't afford seven percent on a 50-year mortgage.

Or how about the "reparations" racket and all the other free stuff they keep passing out to whole groups of people who don't work for a living. As if the Federal Reserve hasn't oppressed everyone since 1913, regardless of skin color, am I right?

Then there's "toxic masculinity." You want to see toxic? Check out the dame with the purple hair, nose ring, and Taylor Swift face tattoo.

Get ready for a takedown of the Wokeys, packed with history, pop culture, plenty of insults, and practical strategies to deal with a Woke world gone wild.

DEI is dying. It's time to finish the job.